Sometimes I go over board (OK, usually.) There is no middle ground with me. I go balls to the wall, hyper focused, goal crushing until I get the damn thang. So when I realized this is the reason I have been failing in my pursuit to get healthy, it sent me into a tailspin of confusion and raw emotion. I don’t understand how to function without going at something with extreme determination. Why?

The realization that this issue (and sometimes it’s not a negative issue) has affected several aspects of my life…small to large. From wanting a great birthday party for my kids to opening my own salon. Focus is focus. Determination is determination. Words are words 🤣 (Sorry, I had to!)

Those successes small & large, have set me up to think that’s the only way to be successful. And it works at first! I put my all into fitness, I get it in my head that I want to be strong & healthy. I sign up for everything I see because in my mind it’s crossed my path for a reason.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a morning person. I’ve been told all my life this fact makes me lazy. I now understand that’s utter bull shit, however, it takes a bit to deprogram yourself from thinking shit is best done in the A.M. Just because some people get things done in the morning does not mean I need to be like them. So I’ve decided to embrace this fact. EXCEPT that I joined an early morning Bootcamp. 🤦🏻‍♀️ & though the workout was throughly enjoyable, I struggle getting up in time & leaving my crying toddler with my 12 year old. Especially since I can get an enjoyable workout in at home, later.

I also joined a Fitbit walking challenge with a 25k step goal. Do you know how I was hitting that each day? I was pacing all over my house. Sitting down was only an option to eat. Otherwise, I’d just walk. Walk passed the dirty dishes, walk passed the pile of laundry, walk walk walk. So I’ve taken off my Fitbit. I’ve left the challenge.

I had been wanting to do this event called Trek Up the Tower. So guess what? I signed up for it. It’s a stair race basically. I looked at the training sheet and just about shit a brick. WTF was I thinking? I don’t even have a way to train. I haven’t decided on this yet though. I feel this big urge to do it. To be continued…

I also joined this fitness group. It’s been the most positive thing in all of this. I signed up for the training and I feel good about it. It’s definitely focused on becoming strong, not skinny. Throw out the scale & start being healthy kind of stuff. I really love it & it speaks to me in a way that nothing really has yet. So it stays.

I started a c25k at the end of November & it rocked. Then I hit week 3 & could barely do it. So I’ve decided to keep working hard this month & starting the c25k again next month. I feel pretty good about that decision too.

I have a lot of work to do. Some days I don’t like myself as much as I should. So I’ve started therapy. Before I can really get healthy physically, I need to get healthy mentally.

Anyway, it felt good to write everything down. Seeing it makes me feel I’m heading in the right direction.

Until next time…


Enjoy this photo of me holding up my medal for finish the Yellow Stone virtual race of 128.2 miles in December. You can tell I’m burnt t.f. out.

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